i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
