I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Drunk is a universal language darling
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
