It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
