i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
