Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
