i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
