we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
