the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
