You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
