if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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