some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
