all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
