Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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