I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
