he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
