Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
