dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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