her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
