This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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