I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
