I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
