as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
