I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
