my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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