At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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