So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
