I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My cat gives me a boner
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
