he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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