I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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