I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
