I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
