Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
