I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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