i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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