i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
