i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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