There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
