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i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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