Farmville is her only friend.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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