I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
