i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
