It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
