if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
