what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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