Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
