What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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