I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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