just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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