She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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