dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
