whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
