What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
