Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm at about main and main street
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
